On Kissing and Lying in Cairo

So, what did you do on Christmas Day 2022?

Most of you will have been lucky enough to spend it with family.

I got within kissing distance of Tutankhamun.

After the long slow delays and flight – yes, I know 5 hours isn’t long. From Australia it takes 30 hours to get to this part of the world. But it was a long day. A 6am start, train, flight delays, a mad midnight rush across town. I mean, it was obvious there was a rush going on, but rather than ask I decided to just wait and see what would happen. Turns out, we needed to make it in time for…

Not a bad beer, as it turns out. After the 250ml bottles in Morocco - a couple of mouthfuls and it’s empty, the 0.5 litre bottle in Cairo was a treat!

A beer.

Well, a beer and to meet up with old friends on Christmas Eve.

This was not to be a normal trip. By that, I mean one where I spend my time between working and writing at coffee shops and checking out various sites around me. This one was to be a ride – or I was going to be very much disappointed.

A doorway at Giza

I was not disappointed.

So Christmas Eve was a day of travel and a rush across town to a bar. And Christmas Day was the Egyptian Museum in Cairo.

That’s right. Christmas Day in Cairo. And this was the first of three kisses.

I am of course still in a daze. And this one has nothing to do with the flight. With two stories set in Egypt and never having been here, it has been at the top of my must-go list for some time. We spent the day pinching ourselves trying to take in that we really were here.

To be honest, Egypt is something you grow up with. The pyramids, the Sphinx, and its age – at the very least. If we left our modern buildings with no maintenance, they would rust away to almost nothing in a couple of hundred years. Yet here we are in a country with buildings which have stood for 4 ½ to 5 thousand years – and even more. That really just doesn’t compute! The house I was living in just a couple of decades ago has already gone.

A sarcophagus, standing 2 metres high. In the background you can see a spirit door - or a false door. They were used in tombs so the soul could freely come and go from the tomb.

The Egyptian Museum of Cairo is full of giant statues, detailed relief on sarcophaguses which stand 2 metres tall and deep (longer, of course), mummies which are real bodies which haven’t decayed even after thousands of years, painted walls, the Narmer Palette from 3,100 BCE which shows the oldest hieroglyphs so far found. In real life these things are not only physically big, not only huge in quantity, but also mindboggling for what they represent.

Images of Tutankhamun are the same. He has been so commercialized – if you like – he just seems to be another tacky tourist gift like my grandmother used to bring on her endless trips and endless boasting.

But like with the Mona Lisa, when you get to the museum Tutankhamun’s mask is one you have to go and see.

For me the Mona Lisa was disappointing. It is displayed in Le Louvre in Paris on a massive white wall by itself, with big barriers to make you keep your distance. It isn’t that big a painting, and without being able to get anywhere near it to see the details it was a rather underwhelming moment.

Tutankhamun’s mask was quite the opposite. It stands in a glass cabinet which you can go right up to. Yes – to kissing distance.

You can get close enough to see the detail. It isn’t as shiny as the photos all make out, or a garish golden mask painted with shiny blue stripes. Because it is real. You can see the slight weathering of the centuries – millenia – the small imperfections because it’s a real object made by people who walked the earth a very long time ago. It is actually a very beautiful piece of work showing remarkable craftsmanship.

It stands out simply because it is spectacular.

Less dramatic perhaps is the jewelry which is displayed on the walls around the mask. But they were in a way even more breathtaking. They had a magnificent subtlety to them, beautifully crafted – imagine their impact 4350 years ago at the beginning of their life, before all those years of weathering. If only it wasn’t for those damn guards I’d have pocketed one for my own!

So that was Christmas Day – within Kissing distance of Tutankhamun. So where does the second kiss fit in?

Things could not be more amazing than wandering around that museum seeing real pieces of ancient Egypt – giant statues, sarcophagus as tall as me when lying flat, the decorations on the “false” spirit doors from mastabas and pyramids, the Narmer Stele, cups which were drunk from and board games which were played by people who died 4 or 5,000 years ago…

Games in the museum, played and handled by people living maybe 4,000 years ago. I used to play knucklebones at school. I grew up in the country where we had the real thing, just like in this photo. Who’d have thought I was playing a game thousands of years old.

On Boxing Day, off to see the wizard, the wonderful Wizard/Sphinx of Egypt. And the big pyramid.

Well, no, not quite yet.

My friend suggested that historical chronology might be more interesting than rushing to see the ‘big one’, to gain a perspective on their evolution. That made a lot of sense.

Before the big Giza pyramids there was the step pyramid. Before that the tombs, or mastabas - those big flat blocks that seem to be scattered everywhere. How fancy your tomb of course, depended on how important you were, so there are many mastabas which were built for the ‘lesser’ important people of the court.

Djoser’s step pyramid in the background. As you see, there is grass at my feet, only desert behind the platform/mini mastaba.

Djoser – actually a king (pharoah was a later term, maybe coming from the Semitic word “fara” which meant tall or huge) – was the first to go upwards. He decided to raise his mastaba with more smaller ones stacked on top. You know the idea. We all played with those blocks as toddlers. Djoser just slightly outdid us for scale.

In fact, everything about Egypt is big. At all times they seem to have been prolific builders and sculptors and stonemasons – filling in the 6 months of the year when there was no farming work to do.

So they went for size. Not just lots of buildings, not just big ones, but everything in 7-point stereo. Egypt was first unified around 3100 BCE by Narmer, the first dynasty. Upper and Lower Egypt were united as one. Lower Egypt – the northern bit of the delta – had the tall hat. Upper Egypt – in the South – had a squat hat. The unified Egypt had them combined with Narmer – still a King, not a pharaoh – and the capital set right between the two in Memphis, on the outskirts of modern-day Cairo.

Ancient Egypt was a civilization which lasted til the Romans did their damage in the 4th century AD. But Egypt still exists – so it is a civilization which has now lasted for over 5,000 years.

I mean – Wow!

So Boxing Day – the day after Christmas – we went to Saqqara to see the step pyramid of Djoser. This one was the first pyramid, built around 2667 – 2649BC. So now we’re talking nearly 4,700 years ago.

Don’t worry. If these numbers seem too big to be sensible, I still don’t comprehend that time span either. Mohamed was with us 1500 years ago. The birth of Christ was 2,000 years ago – I can comprehend those sorts of dates. The Greeks 500 years before that – still ok on that one. But double that again…?

After a ride in a tuktuk we sat for an excellent spread of an Egyptian breakfast at a luxury resort centre called Saqqara Palm Club, with a swimming pool that would be to die for in the summer heat. Sitting in the water at the bar all day – I’d find it hard to move. Now throw in a horse-pulled carriage and a dusty walk up a dirt road, we headed to Djoser’s step pyramid of Saqqara, about 1 ½ km through desert…  

At Saqqara Palm Club - just on the green side of the green-desert line. A magnificent breakfast, and in the summer you can sit on stools in the water at the bar under the umbrella to drink your beer…

It is quite extraordinary how the green just stops – just a few metres from the road. I mean the palm trees, the crops, the fertile river valley that used to flood every year before the dams were built. When it hits the desert it doesn’t get gradually more sparce and gently fade. It stops. Just like that. Very dramatically.

But then, Egypt is about the drama of the spectacular.

We entered the complex through an elaborate entry hallway lined with columns and nooks for statues. At the end my friend made me stop.

“Close your eyes. Take my hand.”

 Rather clumsily I stumbled along holding his hand, wondering if this was just a bit of fun drama. He led me around a corner then stopped.

“Now open them.”

Oh wow.

The scale simply doesn’t compute - check the size of the people standing in the background compared to the first step.

When it comes to Egypt, everything is dramatic, and scale leaps into another dimension. It doesn’t matter from where you look at pyramids. Their size isn’t measurable.

The giant stone steps are outlined by clear blue sky. It is 60 metres high – which for those of you like me to whom this means nothing, is about the same as a 20-storey building!

This is a seriously incredible sight.

And they built this as a tomb – just a place to store a dead body.

The 6 tiers of steps were stacked by the architect Imhotep, and finally encased in white limestone.

Prizes for those correctly guessing which one is the donkey.

But where does the kissing come into it?

Walk up past camels to the rise, past the 30m deep pits where they lowered the coffins of the “lesser” people, and you have a view of the desert. In one direction you can see the pyramids of Dahshur, including the bent pyramid built by Sneferu, Khufu’s father.

This is the time of my children’s story, Sneferu’s Curse – a time travel story to ancient Egypt for 12 year olds. In it, Khufu is a child. So this is that world. The bent pyramid, the collapsed pyramid, the red pyramid.

And the step pyramid which was the first.

This is what existed at the time of Meryt’s story with K-C and Snefers.

But if you turn the other way you can also see, not just the three of Abou Sir, but also in the distance the tops of the Giza pyramids, their smooth sides marking the skyline – the ones that Meryt’s friend in the story will build – the boy who’s name is Khufu.

The three little pyramids looking big on the right are Abu Sir. The huge Giza pyramids are visible on the left - 24 kkm away as the crow flies. Djoser’s steps are just to my right out of the frame.

In fact, there are over 100 pyramids visible from that one vantage point and scattered between the desert hills in between – the Egyptians were a very busy bunch!

Not to be outdone, there are also camels everywhere, gaily dressed in their red blankets and saddles. Their Bedouin owners offering rides.

A camel with his Bedouin - his long dress and headgear and scarf are the telling features. The Bedouin is the one on the right.

“No thank you – I’m out of change.”

“Oh, no problem. Just sit on it for a minute.”

Which turns into a ride – of course.

They are supremely designed for desert living, but getting up and down is not an elegant part of their makeup. You hang on tight while the camel stands up its hind legs first throwing you forwards, then lean forward as it jolts you in the process of standing to its front legs.

But hey – all in the name of a bit of fun. Having now got here by taxi, subway, tuktuk, a donkey ride and a camel ride, I’m not complaining.

After all the photos, another camel owner, another Bedouin calls to me.

“La, la, la. No thank you. I’ve already done the camel ride. No? That’s not the idea?”

“Kiss him!”

I frown at him thinking the midday sun of summer has got to his brain at some point. But it turns out he is serious. Or maybe Tutankhamun boasted to him during the night. Because it is quite clear – this Bedouin wants me to kiss his camel.

On the nose.

Over, and over again while he takes photos, til I’m beginning to doubt my own kissing skills.

Yes, actually kissing him.

Fun fact: Camels have very… very bad breath.

And when you are that close, there is no dodging it.

So now I have almost kissed Tutanakhamun, and a camel – the latter far too many times for decency. But there was a third kiss.

What can outdo Tutankhamun and a camel? What can outdo the Egyptian Museum of Cairo and Djoser’s Step Pyramid at Saqqara?

The big one can.

Finally.

That trip to the Giza Plateau on the Western edge of Cairo. I could hardly contain my excitement.

After taxis over rough roads – they are extending the subway system out towards Giza – there it is. At the end of the road framed by apartment blocks, there is the Great Pyramid, the one that Khufu (Cheops) built. The one that will come in the years following my story of Sneferu’s Curse.

The road heading west from Cairo - the longest street in the world…?

I feel sad that Cairo, a hefty 22 million people, has grown so massively over time that it extends all the way out to the pyramids. I imagine arriving with nothing but the pyramids in sight, dominating the landscape for miles as you approached, either on camel or rickshaw, or before that by barge.

It is still incomparable.

We arrive at the gates. The biggest site of the thousands of ancient monuments in Egypt, one that is close enough to Cairo to catch in a day trip, surrounded by tourist buses and people everywhere, a huge queue perhaps 200 metres long.

And one man selling tickets from a single window.

After a lot of being squeezed and shouting, my friend finally comes away triumphant. He has not one, but a whole bunch of tickets. Very minded to business organization and helping out others, he gives me my ticket and takes the rest to others to save them the long wait in the queue.

Having made a lot of people very happy, he realizes through his good intentions that he has overlooked keeping one for himself. What’s more, I seem to have dropped mine!

Travel is not just the amazing sights. It’s also made up of the people you meet. And the mishaps.

Downheartened, the queue still as big as it was before, we decide to cut our losses and go to….

KFC.

We needed food and toilets anyway.

So we went into the KFC across the road from the tickets, got our food and went upstairs for the view.

Well, not quite. Because upstairs is Pizza Hut, and they won’t let you onto their roof without buying something. They didn’t mention at KFC that you didn’t have to buy at both – why would they. They want the sales.

So with another meal in hand we went up to the rooftop of KFC-Pizza Hut to eat.

And oh, what a view! In the end this was an even better introduction to the pyramids than having gone directly to them.

The three of them stand there dominating the skyline, tall and smooth sided, majestic and grand.

By the time we’d eaten and gazed in awe, not only had the ticket line shrunk to a more reasonable length, but I’d discovered that I had tucked my own ticket into an inside pocket of my bag.

And that third kiss.

We walk through a grand corridor entranceway not unlike the one to Djoser’s Step Pyramid. But first, before we get to the actual pyramids, there is another grand site, another wonder of the ancient world.

The Sphinx.

The river Nile used to come right up to this part of the desert several thousand years ago. The Sphinx was the first stop. It smiles at us, a Mona Lisa smile above its missing nose thanks to Napoleon’s pot shots in the 1700s. I think it smiles like that because it still has secrets. They have found hidden rooms in and under the Sphinx. They don’t yet know – or at least, haven’t yet shared with us exactly what they are.

And it has another reason for its Mona Lisa smile. It is my third kiss. Perhaps I haven’t lost my touch after all.

The Sphinx is at the bottom of the valley, and must have been a grand preliminary statement to the pyramids. It is 20 metres high – the size of a 6 storey apartment block – and yet it is dwarfed by its backdrop – the Giza Pyramids.

These are something else again.

Still my first few days in Cairo, I am still dazed at everything around me. The causeway leading up to them is every bit the grand boulevarde. Their size is beyond understanding. The Great Pyramid is 138 metres high – 3 ½ times that of Djoser’s pyramid, the equivalent over 40 storeys high. For another parallel, if you’ve ever seen The Shard in London, it is only just twice the height of the Great Pyramid.

That is sobering.

This is something that was built over 4,600 years ago, a little after 2600 BC

Inside a masataba, courtesy of my Bedouin friend and their camel-train network.

An advantage of my Bedouin friend who lived in Egypt for many years is knowing the tricks to getting locked doors to open up. A quick chat with a fellow Bedoiun security guard, an exchange of a few paper notes, and everyone is happy – I got to see more than what was available, they were happy for a little extra lining to their pockets, and a small handful of other tourists got the special treat with me.

And it was worth it – small tombs with a marvelous row of statues and some beautifully painted walls.

I get the classic photo of me holding the tip of the pyramid up, more camels and a million photos til sunset when we are dropping.

And now for lying in Cairo.

Here I need to backtrack a little to my day in Saqqara. Near it you can find the ruins of the ancient capital of Memphis, capital of Egypt before Upper and Lower Egypt became one around 3,100 BC, for nearly 1,000 years.

It is mostly an open air museum, but after a look around the site you will find Cairo’s biggest lie in the one building, which is near the gate.

Memphis ruins, ancient capital of Egypt for 1,000 years.

Thailand has a very big lie, especially with the lying Buddha in Bangkok. And Cairo has a lying Ramses. The original statue is thought to have stood 11 metres tall – that’s the height of a 3 storey house. The statue of Ramses II was found on its side with his feet missing, and has been kept that way.

Cairo’s biggest lie - 11 metres long.

After three big days of sightseeing we dragged ourselves back to Downtown Cairo. After all, this is Cairo – the party all night city. We needed our 40 winks ready for the night of Cairo clubs and bars. The tourist side of Egypt is amazing. But don’t forget about the local life, the buzz that is Cairo itself, the side streets, the markets. This truly is an amazing city!

A girl has to keep some secrets of her own. I have now kissed and told all I am going to tell.