Egyptian God, Big Member, and an Erotic Journey in Japan

I am still entitled to think that you read my blogs because you love my writing and reading about my misadventures. But we all know this one is about a large mystery – the story behind that little known Egyptian god with the big member, two missing members, and his misadventures. 

In Egyptian his name is Mnw. In English it’s Min. Since that is the name I have given to the real live minotaur in my story – The Lost Labyrinth of Egypt – can there possibly be a connection?

In the west we have so much of the earthy parts of life smoothed over and hidden under the blankets, so to speak – thanks in large part to Queen Victoria. But if you know anything about Shakespeare, lewd was the name of the day. All these things are after all a natural part of life and warrant a healthy 8 year old boy mentality. I mean, we can’t play grown-ups all the time…

One of the first statues we looked at when I studied art history at school - the Neolithic Venus fertility statue.

Many cultures are still open about body parts and bodily functions. Since neolithic times with those delightful little statues of the naked Venus women, all the way through to the present. In Japan at least once I went to a shrine with a giant wooden statue of an erect penis. It must have been 2 metres long, and the approach to it was to rub it...

A fertility shrine, of course.

One of the many amazing festivals in Japan, this one in Kamaki city

Rub the nob and you will be blessed with a baby… At least, that’s the idea.

Japan might seem all very prim and proper, but it is the land of the “Pillow Book”, the Geisha who’s role it was (still is) to soothe all the senses through music, poetry, and engaging conversations.

And the love hotels. That is a whole other world of concept.

Japan - a country of contradictions.

It seems to be so proper in every way, but if there was one observation I made during the years I lived there - there is always a flipside. They work hard - but they play hard. They seem like such a careful culture, so delicate and restrained - but have you ever watched those reality tv shows like Takeshi’s Castle. In one episode that I watched they all had to drink glasses of water - the winner was the last one to pee…

And the prim and proper society which lives in houses of paper - yes. Paper.

In a traditional house the doors inside - the ones which are pulled across to make walls and to divide rooms - are made of paper. Shoji-screens doors. They are a delicate wooden grid covered in nothing but paper…. You’ve probably seen them for sale in fancy homeware shops, or in movies. They are perfect to smash through in a fight scene.

With paper walls in small houses which usually includes 3 generations living together, this means there is very little privacy for those intimate moments.

Japan is also the land of the love hotels.

Yeah, sure - places you can go to and pay by the hour. But like with so many things, Japan takes it to a whole new level.

This one offers a 10% discount for member cards.

They’re easy to find - it is those fairy tale buildings covered in neon lights with search lights probing the skies batman style. They may look like a Disney Castle or a ship, be brightly coloured in psychedelics, or look like any of your Japanese animated fantasy homes.

Once there, they are the epitomy of discretion. If you arrive by car, a gate will hide your number plate. When you go to the reception the host’s face is hidden. In a fancy one, a large board is covered with rooms from every theme you can imagine - mermaid or animation, outer space or Viking ships or ancient Rome. You can choose from any which are lit up - the others are occupied.

Once paid for, a series of arrows will lead you through the hallways to your room to ensure no mistakes can be made. Your room may be filled with mirrors, baths through glass windows, toys of every type you can imagine, and all the romantic trimmings that might appeal.

The love hotels cater for all … tastes… Maybe my favourite choice in instant noodles, but personally I prefer to add boiling water, and on these occasions, I prefer not to think about the dishes...

But what of Min’s story?

In ancient Egypt, like with most ancient cultures, fertility was essential to survival. Often it was of social importance, validating people’s role as a member of society since offspring was the retirement plan. And of course most people want to have children.

So, of course, there were fertility gods.

Min’s story, as I was told, runs something like this:

A village was threatened by an aggressive neighbour. The men decided to go off and deal with this problem. Not wanting to leave their womenfolk unprotected, they chose one of the older strong male villagers to stay behind as their guardian – Min.

9 months later, there was a rather large boom of babies. Naturally outraged, they punished Min by cutting off his left hand. (We hope it wasn’t his active hand, but I didn’t come across the details on that bit.)

As it happens, the first venture to keep the aggressive neighbour out of their way was not enough. More trouble brewed, and again the men decided they needed to actively go out and deal with this problem. Again they left Min in charge of the women. Surely he had learnt his lesson, and what could he do with one hand missing.

It seems their logic had a major flaw, because 9 months later there was another boom of babies. Outraged of course, they punished Min by cutting off his right foot.

The village lived in peace for many years. Their troubles seemed to have been sorted. However, some 19 years later the problem came up again. The neighbours were causing more trouble. They needed to ensure this time that the problem would not come up again.

As it turns out, the village had a rather large number of strong healthy males, all around 19 and 20 years old. They went off to deal with the problem. They were such a fearsome army of strong and able soldiers and dealt with the problem so thoroughly that the neighbour problem never again surfaced.

Recognising Min’s significant input into this outcome, so to speak, he was from then on worshipped as a god of fertility.

And that is why there is a god with a giant member and the two missing ones - which are incidentally to be found everywhere in gift shops around Cairo.

I mean, when I first saw this statue at the Giza Plateau, I simply had to have it. And once I heard the story I realized it was one that needed to be shared.

There is another story about Min – which may or may not be true – but I like it too, so I’ll share it.

The god Min is an extremely old god, and has been around since the 4th millennium BCE. As was common with gods, they were worshipped and celebrated through festivals. Supposedly Min would “come forth” in the annual festival – literally – ensuring that the Nile would in a similar way flood every year, so they could plant their crops and eat for another cycle of seasons.

Yes – apparently there was a festival literally for ejaculating, that all the young (and no doubt old) men in the village would literally ‘come’ together in enough of a white flood to ensure that the river would flood in similarly legendary proportions.

The one where Biccus Diccus was an obscure Egyptian God